Swine flu. Run for my life!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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