I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
