She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
