So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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