so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize