I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
