Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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