Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize