we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
