He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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