Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
