We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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