I hate your face
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
NoShamevember. You game?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize