Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
