A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she smelled like a LAN party
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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