it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
