Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize