this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
