i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
