I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
