Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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