About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
