Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
