i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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