Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
