my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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