I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
