it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
