It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
