In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Never underestimate the power of titties
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