You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
