You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So squirting runs in the family.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
