her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
