God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
