Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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