Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
