That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
