the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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