I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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