Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
