porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
