who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
