do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize