im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
