I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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