There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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