We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize