help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
