I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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