just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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