Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just found puke in my bra..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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