I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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