I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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