Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Watching her eat just hurts me
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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