I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
