he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
