I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
