I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Four minutes until I can fart!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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