How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
