Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
