come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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