i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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