He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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