Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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