$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
