I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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