I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
