He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Success! We fucked roommates!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
