I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
