She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
