Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize