yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
