I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
