you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
