we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
