I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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