God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
