nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
