So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
