I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
