3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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