walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
