peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
