so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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