i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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