Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
