I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize