I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
