you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize