My sheets look like a crime scene.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My dick has a subreddit
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
