I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
