i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
