mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
