why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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