Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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