I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
