Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
