She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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