legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
