I met the friendliest cop last night
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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