But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
