he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize