I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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