I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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