you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
