Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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