I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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